May I have your attention please
May I have your twinkies please
Will the real Nick Carter please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Nick Carter please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here
Y'all act like you ain't never seen a fat boy before
Singing in my squeaky voice while AJ gets down and humps the floor
And starts moaning like he was with a whore
He keeps gettin' more, bangin' them on his furniture
It's the return of the......
"Ah wait, no way, you're kidding, he didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And AJ said....
Nothing you idiots!! AJ's dead, he's locked in my basement!
12 year old woman love Nick Carter
"Nick Carter, I'm, sick of him, dancing around, adjusting his you-know-what,
sleeping with you-know-who, yeah, but he's cute though."
Yeah, you probably only like me cause I'm a celebrity
Teenyboppers only think I'm cute cause I'm on TV
Sometimes, I wanna get horny and just let loose, but can't
But it's cool for AJ to hump a dead moose
"It's not sexual. It's not sexual."
And if I'm lucky he might just get me a little drunk
And that's the reason we hide me and howie's love
And expect them not to know that something strange is up
Of course they wanna know about our sex lives
Even when they're just 13
We're on the Disney channel, ain't we
"We ain't nothin' but boybands."
Well I gained a little weight
But who gives a crap, it's not like my voice has changed
It's been 2 years and I still ain't seen a girl hesitate
And there's no reason a man and another man can't get laid
But when I feel like I feel, I act like Howie's maid
AJ leave your dirty hos, sing the chorus and it goes
I'm Nick Carter, yes I'm the real Carter
All the other Nick Carter's are just imitating
So won't the real Nick Carter please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up x2
I sang with Elton John and half-assed it at the grammys
Well you know what, I fucked him and Howie did too
You think I give a damn about what you think
Half of you teenys can't find puberty, let alone lay me
"But Nick wouldn't it be funny if they did?"
Why? So I can sneak her into the studio?
So she can get down on her knees and blow?
Shit, she's only 12 years old
That crap is illegal
Then she can sit between me and Howie D
And they can argue over which one gets to blow me
That little bitch, her father will throw me in jail
"Yeah, he's good, but I think he corrupted my daughter, heehee"
She still downloads rare audio on MP3 cause we only release our singles in Germany
I'm sick of N Sync and 98 degrees
All they do is copy me
Justin frontin' like he's somethin' he can not be
And there's a little brother just like me
He talks like me, who just can't go through puberty
Who dress like me, walk, sing, and get fat like me
And he just might be the next best thing but not quite me
CHORUS
I'm like a small mouse to listen to cuz I'm only squeakin' on key
I hate Justin Timberlake and the government too
Passin' laws like they ain't got nothin' better to do
Stealin' children from their beds at night
Tossin' him around like they got a right
If we can print all the money we want then why are people still goin' poor
Stealin' money, bangin' interns, taxin' so they can start more wars
It's all messed up
And they wonder why kids are out gettin' high and drunk
It's funny cuz when I'm not chillin' in Florida
I won't be the only one on the bus drinking Coronas
AJ downin' six packs while he's jerkin' his boner(that rhymed better in my head)
And he's hurtin cause that whole bag of Viagra's makin' him horny
And every single person is a Nick Carter lurkin
He could be sleepin at Hotel 6 spittin' on his unmade bed(?)
Or on the Backstreet bus, smackin, screaming, "Give it up!!"
With his boxers down and his 'rector up
So will the real Nick Carter please stand up
And put on of those millions in your pocket up
And be proud to be a Backstreet Boy and outta control
One more time, loud as you can, how does it go?
CHORUS